As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
