you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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