My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
