i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
