No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
