What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't notice because vodka
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
