You're my little dorito
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
