her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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