Someone shit on the floor
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
