How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
