There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
