If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
