this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
