i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
