awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
