the condom got lost in my hair
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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