i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
