Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
