Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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