Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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