I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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