So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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