he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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