my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
please come you make the beer taste better
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
