I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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