I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
