There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
