she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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