He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
