i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
