Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
