No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Rumble strips road head = magical
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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