She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
