I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
