He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
