Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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