Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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