nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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