you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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