it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
