either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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