The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
