how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
