Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i've created a new STD.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
