Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't deserve a penis
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
