I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
