Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
