She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
