her vagine was all disorganized.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
