Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i believe in u and ur pee
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
