I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
