I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
