I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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