i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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