Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
