The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
