Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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