At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
