she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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