I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
