She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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