oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
