I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
