I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
