The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
