my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
