dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
