By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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