I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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