the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
