There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
where are my eyebrows?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
