You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
