You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
