I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
