I think I died a long time ago.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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