Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
