I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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