I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
