there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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