I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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