he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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