so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
