I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
