I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
3pm strippers are depressing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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