this just has baby written all over it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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