her vagine was all disorganized.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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