it was like eating out sand paper
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
