You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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