omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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