She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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