I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
